normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
