I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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