I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
