Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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