I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you win again, gameday.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
