I hate your face
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
