Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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