i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I didn't notice because vodka
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
