They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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