Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
