I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
