I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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