Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
