dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
