My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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