theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
