I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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