a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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