It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
