apparently the secret to your success is patron
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
