One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
