she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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