He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
