Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
MIDGETS
????
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
you never un-have a 4some
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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