You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
