The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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