that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
