Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
