Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
