this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
