I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
