Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
