apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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