I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
