ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
