oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The uberlube is also flammable
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
