he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
