My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
