I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Drunk is a universal language darling
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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