that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
