i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
