fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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