I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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