not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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