i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
