Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I am spending my child support on dildos
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
