Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
