my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
