Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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