dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
