i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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