I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
