we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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