I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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