You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
operation harelip BJ is a go
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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