A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
